(Originally posted in Facebook on February 15, 2019)
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and, although we’ve never been big on the candy and flowers celebrations, cards have always meant a great deal to M, so I make sure I get him at least one VD card to open. I have forgotten, in the past, and have been one of those cliche’ people, twelve deep in the card aisle on the big day, trying to find a card in the picked-over remains. I had a cute one, along with a little Reese’s peanut butter heart, so I knew he would be happy. When I got up yesterday morning, there was a card waiting for me. On the envelope, he had written “Happy Valentine’s Day! I love you!” On the inside of the card, he had again written, “Happy Valentine’s Day! I love you!” I smiled when I saw it, but when I recounted this to someone at work later, it made me start to cry. Not that I need my name or his signature on the card – we know who we are. But it’s just another sign that things are changing.
Earlier this week, I saw an elderly friend who lost his wife several years ago to Alzheimer’s disease. I had not seen him since we received M’s diagnosis, so I was glad for an opportunity to talk to him about where we were in the process. He told me that one of the first “symptoms” was his wife’s resentment of the time he spent in the morning reading the Wall Street Journal (about an hour and a half) because it took him away from her. He asked if I had noticed any behavior like that, and I said no – M doesn’t care if I’m reading or in another room.
But after he planted that idea in my head and I had time to think about it, I realized that I am seeing that same behavior . . . just in relation to different things. Earlier this week, I had to stop on the way home from work to buy gas and it made me later getting home than usual. M called me when I was almost in the driveway to ask where I was. I was only 10 minutes later than usual. If he’s watching something on TV that I’m not interested in or I want to be by myself for a little while (I value my alone time!!) I’ll go upstairs and turn on the TV in the bedroom. Ten minutes won’t go by before he’s up in the bedroom, watching TV with me. And I’ve noticed that, if I go to the bathroom, he will walk by the bathroom door to see where I am.
I really didn’t put all that together until my friend asked me about it – but, of course, now that I’ve noticed it, I’ll probably start noticing more things. When I realized all this, I felt annoyed and overwhelmed by how much M has taken over my life. But then it all just made me feel sad. He says he feels fine, that he doesn’t notice any changes and he thinks I’m over-reacting to tiny mistakes he makes. I truly hope that’s how he feels and that he’s not scared. I’d rather have him go forward, oblivious to what’s happening, than frightened by it