(Originally posted in Facebook on March 5, 2019)
Some changes have been so subtle and slow that I have hardly noticed them happening. Other have happened so quickly that it’s almost as though I’ve been hit in the head with the difference.
Yesterday, as he was getting ready to go to work, M complained that he wasn’t feeling well. Nothing specific, just not well. I felt as though I was trying to encourage a fifth grader out the door, “Just give it a try. You’ll feel better, once you get there and see all your friends.” When our kids were little and seemed to be getting sick all the time, I used to BEG him to take time off work and stay home with them so I could go into work and not use up all my sick days. He would say there was NO WAY he could miss a day or it would be a real juggling act to make it happen. Now, it’s rare if he’s at work all five days in a week.
He left for work, but he was back home before I left the house for the day. He said that he had gotten there, but had gotten sick in the parking lot. This morning, I asked more about it and he said he had gotten sick “a little bit.” I don’t really understand what that means – either you get sick and lose your breakfast or you don’t – but I have a feeling he won’t be working much longer.
Before I got home yesterday, he decided to run an errand (yes, he was feeling better!) and I saw I had missed a call from him during the afternoon. It took a while for us to connect and when I talked to him, he told me he had wanted to ask me what his PIN code was for his debit card – he couldn’t remember it. That made me realize there are several codes and passwords of his that I don’t know and I should probably have him write them down now. While we can.
Last night, I asked M to get a garbage bag and get the trash from the various trash cans around the house for garbage day today. He asked me where the trash bags are. I didn’t say that they were under the sink, where they have been for the last 20 years. I just pointed to the cabinet under the sink and said, “right under there.”
Does it seem as though this ball is rolling faster as it’s going downhill? Some days – yes. Other days – I would tell you that it seems as though nothing has changed. Those are the days I live for. Those days are becoming fewer and fewer.