I thought I had nothing to write about today. And then I tried to get out the door this morning. Aggravation!
M had his spiral ring binder, which had contained his list of chores for the week, but he had taken that page out for some reason. So I asked him where it was so we could talk about what he was going to be doing today.
Talk about a mistake.
He didn’t take the paper out of the binder. And my bigger mistake was telling him yes, he did take it out of the binder because I certainly didn’t and I’m not aware of some roving band of gypsies coming by to pull paper out of binders . . . (who cares? What difference does it make? These are the questions I’m asking myself NOW.) And it went on from there.
By the time I left for work, I was frazzled. I understood all the people M had worked with who had given up on friendships with him because he had been ugly to them and they had gotten mad and were no longer speaking to him. I know I need to be more patient. To only worry about things that truly matter – and a piece of paper from a notebook really doesn’t matter.
But I do get so tired when he is SO ADAMANT that he didn’t do something and I know he did. Just because he doesn’t remember it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
It is SO frustrating! I have learned to Yoga breathe, in through the nose for a count of 5 or 6, hold for 6, exhale through your mouth for 8. I do this several times, it really releases the tension. Then I go back and talk to my father (who is rapidly sliding down the dementia hole). Good luck!
That’s a GREAT idea! I’ve got to stop reacting – but this is 58 years of response I’m trying to break. Baby steps, I guess. 🙂
You took me right back to some conversations with my dad. Oh my heavens I thought my head was going to blow off! The best advice I got at the time was to, of course, try to get some perspective and to realize that what he’s telling you is his reality whether it coincides with yours or not. And it’s impossible to logic them out of their reality. They will never come around to your perspective no matter how well you can explain it. But good lord that’s frustrating as hell. Deep breaths. Many, many deep breaths.
You’re absolutely right! I just have to remember that when I’m in the moment!
God bless you. This is such a hard disease. So frustrating on so many levels. Make copies of his chore list and when he removes the page, just pull out the list and he has it. I agree, breathe deep. It’s not one day at a time, it is often one minute at a time.
He finally found it yesterday – under a magazine he had been reading. Wouldn’t you know it? 🙂
I know you’ve heard this a thousand times, but pick your battles. My Mom insists on things that never happened too, and nothing anyone says or does will change her mind, so we just allow her to believe her version of the truth. I’m only saying this because you’re upsetting and exhausting yourself over things that just don’t matter. I’m sorry – it is so frustrating, but in the long run, it’s just not worth the toll on your physical and mental health.
I knew the minute I got in the car that I had been arguing about something that “just didn’t matter.” And yet, still couldn’t stop myself. You would think the amount of sugar in my system would make me sweeter – ha!
I think about you and M daily and continue to pray for you all. I sure do miss him. Tell him I said hello. Hang in there honey I know this is a tough journey but if he brings you to it he will bring you through it. ❤️
Thank you SO MUCH! You and the rest of your team have been such a blessing to both of us. Sending you love and hugs!
I feel so bad for you, dear! My mom had Alzheimer’s.
You know exactly what I’m going through. Thank you for sharing this road with me.