I was late for work today. It wasn’t a big deal, but I hate that. I had been ready to walk out the door . . . all I had to do was put one of the dogs into her crate for the day (she has separation anxiety and will chew the furniture if I leave her out) when I looked in the backyard to call them inside and they weren’t there.
???
I walked out the front door and there they were, running from the side yard, into the front yard – like a couple of nutters. I asked them what they thought they were doing, but they had no answers for me, so I brought them in, then had to go and check on the gate for the backyard. It was locked, but it was locked without being latched, so it had opened and they were free to roam.
Now, I know I haven’t used that gate since we got back from our trip. It’s probably been six weeks or more since I’ve gone around the side of the house through that entrance. I know the dogs didn’t do it, so it’s safe to say who did. But if I bring it up, I also know what M will say:
“I didn’t do it!”
And he’ll be all offended that I’m even suggesting that he did. So . . . do I tell him my interesting story from this morning or do I just keep my mouth shut? What is that saying – discretion is the better part of valor? Or do I need to say something about *we* need to be more careful?
Maybe something else interesting will happen today.
The photo is one of this morning’s escapees, contemplating a future jailbreak.
M and I had a really good evening last night. But I have to admit, we definitely miss being able to walk to the dining room and just pointing to whatever strikes our fancy for that evening’s meal and having it served to us. Having to think of a meal, then cook it and eat it, then clean up afterward is for the birds – after you’ve seen how the other half live!
While we were away, I noticed that whenever we walked anywhere – through the ship, around a town we were visiting . . . whatever – M would be two or three steps behind me. I would stop and wait for him to catch up and then he would drop back again. I wanted to talk to him about what we were seeing or what we were going to do next, but he always seemed to walk so much slower than I did and never wanted to catch up.
But when we were in the dining room on the ship and walking around the buffet, he was practically in my back pocket. If I made the mistake of stopping before he realized I was going to, he would plow right into me – he was so close! And I don’t know why. After the first day, we knew our way around the buffet, it wasn’t like he needed my help negotiating the room. But he was right up against me the whole time.
Here’s a picture M took of me in Skagway, AK. Notice how he managed to get into the picture, too?
One of the first things we had to do when we got back from our trip was to take my car to the repair shop. The a/c works just fine as you’re driving down the road, but if you have to stop in traffic or at a light, it starts blowing out hot air. And since the high temperature is going to be 95 today, I decided that was a repair that couldn’t wait. So we dropped it off Monday night and put the key, along with a write-up of the problem, in a box on the door of the shop and left it for the repair folks to tackle Tuesday morning.
I didn’t hear anything from them yesterday, so I assume they had a busy day and didn’t get to it. When I got home and walked through the door, M said “I thought you would bring your car home.” Me: They didn’t call me. M: But I thought you would bring your car home. Me: But they didn’t call me.
We went back and forth like that a couple of times before he finally understood – my car isn’t ready, the repair shop didn’t call. I don’t have it. It was almost as though he thought I was hiding my car in my purse and I was going to bring it out like a magic trick.
He’s gotten some good news at work – a position, doing the type of work he’s doing now, but in the area where he used to be (so he’d be back with all the people he was with for over 20 years) has opened up and been offered to him. He’s very excited about it and looking forward to moving back with his friends. Hopefully, it will happen soon. He did tell me that his current boss told him yesterday that he (the current boss) can stop this move from happening. Why do people have to be jerks, just for the sake of being jerks? M doesn’t think this boss can stop him from going – he’s already put in the required amount of time in the new position. So we’ll see what happens.
Whew – we did it. There were a few days I wasn’t sure we were going to make it, but we did and we had a wonderful time! We really, truly did. I can’t recommend this trip enough. Holland America is a fabulous cruise line and our travel agent, Go Forth Travel, did a marvelous job of keeping us in the right place at the right time.
M did pretty well on the trip. Being away from home and the disruption of his daily routine was an issue for him, as I had been afraid of. I found that if I warned him ahead of time and told him “tomorrow we’re going to be doing these three things, it’s going to take this amount of time and we’re going to be away from the ship from this time until this time,” he handled the day much better.
The toughest part of the trip was getting through security at the airport and then getting through the security scanner each time we came back on the ship. I didn’t realize M would have such a hard time with this process and wasn’t prepared to get myself through and coach him through the process. Once I realized what was happening, I handled it better and things went more smoothly.
I think the closest I came to having a breakdown was getting through US Customs in Vancouver. We had taken a bus from Seattle to Vancouver and had gone through Canadian customs with no problems. But, before we could board the ship, we had to go through US Customs – I don’t know why. The line was long, we had already had a long day and nerves were frayed. About halfway through the line, M decides he’s had enough and starts pitching a fit, raising his voice and letting everyone know that “THIS IS RIDICULOUS.” Okay, yes – it is ridiculous, but standing in line, waiting for US Customs to give us approval to board a ship that we have paid A LOT of money to get on is NOT the time to let everyone know that. If there were ever a time to just hush and take one for the team, this would be it. Of course, all my snacks and candy were in another bag and I didn’t have anything to try to make things better except the promise it wouldn’t be much longer. I still don’t know how we got out of there.
Mr. Grizzly Bear says “aarrgg!”
So now we’re back, well rested and on our regular schedules again. No more “all you can eat” buffets. No more room stewards making the bed and cleaning the room. I think I could get used to that kind of life. But I’ve learned that having M in a regular routine is very important. I’ve also learned that I need someone else with me if we ever travel again – having all the responsibility for him is too much.
So here we are – the day before we leave on our big trip. Yay!
I’m a little concerned, because it means taking M out of the comfort of his routines. He does better with routine, so I’m not sure how this is going to be for him. He seems to be looking forward to this, though, so I hope it’s going to go well. I say “seems to be” . . . he doesn’t get excited and enthusiastic about things like he used to.
I usually have at least one major freak out about an upcoming trip in the days prior to the event – and I managed to work that in on Wednesday. I got an email from the cruise line letting me know what time we were to board the ship and it occurred to me that none of the logistics and itineraries I had for the trip seemed to match up with the departure times and . . . there I went. Spinning out of control.
Fortunately, my travel agent is wonderfully patient and walked me through the entire process and I really do have everything I need. So, I’ve printed out every correspondence from her – including her phone number – and I’m set.
I don’t think I’ll do much in the way of “blogging” or checking in on this space while we’re gone. Wifi on the ship is pricey $$$ and I’ve spent enough. But, I’ll try to take lots of notes so I can report back on the funny stories that happen – because there are bound to be funny stories that happen!! – when we get back.
Sending all of you love and hugs – and many thanks for your support!
It’s possible I’ve found another “work around” that has reduced stress and made life a little bit easier. Yay!
I left M a list of chores to do when he got home yesterday – I asked him to run the vacuum and dust our bedroom. He also decided to cut the grass in the backyard. By the time I got home, he had done everything except dust and he asked if the dusting REALLY needed to be done. I asked if he had REALLY looked at our bedroom recently.
I have to say, he did a great job. He wasn’t so good about putting things back where they had been, but I went behind him and replaced everything and – between the two of us – we got it done in record time. Success!
I also made sure the dogs had water before I left the house this morning.
As he finished breakfast today, he put his plate in the dishwasher and I noticed that the plates were loaded backwards from the way the dishwasher rack is set up to wash them. And they were falling over. I asked them why he had the plates in there like that and his response was:
“It wasn’t me. I didn’t put them in there like that.”
Well, let’s see. These are your breakfast dishes. There are four of them there – one for each day this week, Monday through Thursday. You put them in there every morning. So who do you think did that?
I’m starting to learn – whenever he says “It wasn’t me,” you can bet it most certainly was him.
Oh! I knew there was news . . . I heard back from his neurologist on the Frontotemporal Dementia question. The results of his earlier PET scan show that is NOT the form of dementia that M has. Even though there are several similarities between the different forms and he is so young to have developed dementia, that is not the area of his brain that has been affected.
Yesterday was a really good day – work went well. I met a friend for dinner and had fun catching up.
Then I went home.
The dogs had no water and their bowls were completely dry. Everything from breakfast was exactly where I had left it when I left the house at 7:30 am. Nothing had been done. So I asked M, what have you been doing since you got home at 3:45 pm?
Watching TV.
We’re leaving on a two-week trip in three days. He’s done zero packing, washing, preparation . . . nothing.
Now, I’m not one of those people who will have their house spotlessly clean and the car washed and waxed before I go on a trip, but I would like to avoid it looking like a cyclone has gone through the place. And I do think it’s a good idea to have some climate appropriate clothes packed for this trip that we’ve been planning and have spent A LOT OF MONEY on.
So, I gave the dogs water.
Then, M took the laundry basket downstairs to the laundry room. And sat it there. I went downstairs and emptied it, separated the clothes and then brought the empty basket back upstairs.
I feel like I am constantly bitching about everything. This is not how I want to live my life. I want to appreciate every day. I want to appreciate the time we have together.
I just feel so overwhelmed – as though I’m sitting on a tiny little surfboard on the sand and a wave is growing bigger and bigger in front of me. It’s way over my head and starting to block out the sky. I’ve never had a panic attack, but I think I can understand the forces that would cause one.
I’m the oldest of five children and when I was growing up and my mom would get frustrated with us, she would say she was going to have a running, screaming fit.
Last night was a nice, quiet evening. Yay! M and I spent most of our time trying to get a head start on our packing for our upcoming trip.(The photo is of the Pacific Ocean – we get to see it again!!) The real question seems to be where I’ve hidden all my jeans and long pants in the 3-4 weeks since warm weather finally arrived? I know I’ve been trying to do some purging, but SURELY I didn’t get rid of those vital items!?!?!
The mystery continues.
M did really well until this morning, when I asked him to get a new supply of napkins for the napkin holder in the kitchen. He went in the pantry, then called back out to ask me where they were. I directed him to the cabinet where we keep them . . . where we’ve been keeping them for the past 10 years or so. After he left for work, I went back in the pantry and closed the cabinet door and turned off the light.
It’s the trail of where M has been.
I’m still waiting to hear back from his doctor, regarding Frontotemporal Dementia and whether or not this is what M is dealing with. It doesn’t make any difference, really. But I’d like to know.
I am totally IN LOVE with ordering groceries online.
There. I said it, and I don’t care who knows.
It was the most wonderful system I’ve ever seen!! When it was time to pick the groceries up, I hit the “I’m on my way” button on my phone, pulled into a well-marked and designated spot when I got to the store, and the team had them loaded in my car and sent me on my way in just a few minutes. IT WAS GREAT!!
And after a weekend in the car, with my dad driving and pouring rain, it was needed!
No, the weekend wasn’t bad at all. Friday, before M left for work, he asked (again) about our departure time and I was so glad I could point to the calendar where I had used highlighters and pens to color-code the calendar and make it bright and easy to read. I showed him where I had marked that we were leaving at 1 pm, so he needed to leave work at noon and I would see him back at the house about 12:30 pm.
At 10:16 am I got a text from him, asking where I was. He had left work at 10, thinking we were leaving town at noon. The only problem with that is – he is paid by the hour, so that’s two additional hours of pay he WON’T be receiving for Friday.
I told him I would be home at 12:30, as planned, for him to finish packing, but NOT to use grocery bags to take his things for our trip. He has suitcases – please use them. I don’t know why he will pull out grocery bags from the pantry rather than going up to the attic for a suitcase, but if I don’t say “DON’T DO THAT” he’ll do it every time.
As we were at the hotel, getting ready to go to our niece’s graduation ceremony Saturday morning, he started packing up his things, getting ready to check out. We were staying until Sunday.
As we left the arena when the ceremony was over, M needed to stop at the rest room, but the rest of our group went on outside to find our niece. I went on outside with them, so I wouldn’t lose them and was going to call M once we got to a meeting spot. When I called him, he snapped and said “I know where you are, I’m on my way to the car right now.”
Well, we weren’t at the car. It was raining. He was walking in the rain and he was going to be standing in the rain at the car and no one was going to be there for a while. But if he wanted to be unpleasant and stand in the rain and not listen to what I was trying to tell him, I was going to let him.
After about five minutes. we got to the car and got on our way to the reception. I started to tell him what had been going on and what I had been trying to tell him . . . but I realized there was no point. I was only frustrating myself.
When we got home Sunday, he asked me if we left home for our trip on Saturday. I reminded him that we had left work early on Friday to start the trip.
The 60 Minutes piece on Frontotemporal Dementia was eye-opening . . . and sad. If you didn’t have an opportunity to see it, you can look at the entire piece on 60 Minutes Overtime or on this link: https://cbsn.ws/2JkeNUu
M saw a little bit of the piece and said “I feel fine.” I’m glad – I want him to feel fine. But I want him to BE fine, too.
I left work yesterday, feeling so good and happy – it was GREAT! I took everyone’s advice (my brother, A, my co-workers and some of you here) and I went on Chewy.com and ordered supplies for my dogs. Boom! Free shipping and their supplements are on the way!
Then I went on Walmart.com and ordered groceries. We’re going out of town this afternoon for our niece’s graduation, so I scheduled the shopping to be ready when we get back Sunday afternoon. We’ll swing by, pick it up and it will all be done. Wow – it was so easy! The app even knew what we usually buy so it made suggestions and I just picked quantities. FABULOUS!! I’m going to schedule another one for the day we get back from Alaska, so we’ll have groceries bought that I didn’t have to schlep through the store to get. Boom, again!
And last night was better with M, believe it or not. When I got home from work, the laundry basket for our dirty clothes wasn’t in the bedroom, so I asked him to bring it up from the laundry room. He said it was full. I went downstairs and sorted the laundry into the baskets in the laundry room (whites, darks and mediums) and he said “I could have done that.”
Yep.
I just kissed him and took the basket upstairs and went on with whatever I was doing.
He started to drive me crazy with questions about our upcoming trips.
“When are we flying to Seattle?” “What time are we leaving tomorrow?” “What day are we going on the cruise?”
I can tell that getting out of his routine is starting to worry him. I also realized I’ve not done a good job of keeping our calendar up-to-date. So I got to work and updated the detailed calendar so he has all the info in front of him.
If you’re at home Sunday evening and looking for something to watch (and the Braves game is over!) take a look at CBS 60 Minutes. There’s going to be a story about Frontotemporal Dementia. I saw the preview and read a synopsis about the report . . . it’s as though the reporter had been in my house and was telling our story. Here’s a link to the preview: http://bit.ly/2GYlIRM
