Some days are fun. Some days most definitely are not.
And yesterday was not. Oh man. I don’t know what was going on, but M and I were on COMPLETELY different wavelengths.
Completely.
At the store Sunday, we bought some chicken to grill and it was still in the refrigerator last night. I said something to M about grilling it, but it was getting late, so I told him not to worry about it now, maybe he could do it tomorrow, during the day.
“What chicken?” was his question.
Okay – he might have forgotten that we bought it. So I said, “it’s on the bottom shelf, in the refrigerator.”
He opened the top vegetable drawer.
“No, that’s a drawer,” I told him. “It’s on the bottom shelf.”
He opened the bottom vegetable drawer
“That’s also a drawer,” I said. “Look on the bottom shelf.”
He opened the meat drawer in the middle of the refrigerator.
“Well, now you’ve hit all the drawers,” by now I had walked over to the refrigerator. I put my hand on the top shelf. “This is a shelf. The chicken is on the bottom shelf. Do you see it?”
“Yes, I see it now.” He finally had a bead on it and knew what I was talking about. But, of course, I was concerned that he didn’t seem to be able to follow basic instructions like that. He was NOT concerned.
Later in the evening, I had to ask for his help with another task. For the last couple of weeks, I have had a headache EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Every. Day.
I haven’t been able to figure out what the problem could be, but on Sunday, I realized that as a part of my holiday/winter decor, I had put greenery, cuttings from the bottoms of Christmas trees, around the house. We can’t have a real tree, because I’m so allergic to them, but for some reason, I didn’t think having little branches around the house, drying out, would be a problem.
No wonder my head hurts!
I took them all out of the house (or so I thought) on Sunday and had a MAJOR migraine after handling them. Then, as I was getting ready for bed last night, I saw some more wrapped around a lamp on a table outside our bedroom.
I asked M if he would take those 2 or 3 little branches off the lamp and put them in the trash.
Wow – what a mistake. I should have just risked the headache.
He unplugged the lamp, carried it to the kitchen, dumped the branches off into the trash, then brought the lamp back upstairs.
Naturally, I was left to plug the lamp back in and put the lampshade back on it, because, why wouldn’t I be?
When I DARED to say anything, like “wouldn’t it have been easier just to take the branches off of the lamp and leave it sitting there?” I got the standard line . . .
“WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?”
He was NOT happy about being questioned – at all!
So . . . what have we learned? I’m not really sure, to tell you the truth.
I could say I’ve learned to just let M do things as he wants and not say anything about it. But invariably, his way creates more work for me. He’s going to leave the job half-way done and I’m going to have to come behind him and finish it.
I could say I’ve learned to just do it myself. After all, that’s the way things are going. Eventually, I’m going to have to do everything, all by myself. But we’re not to that point yet. There’s still so much that M CAN do, I think he should do things while he still can.
I can definitely say that this is not fun. I’m not having a good time with all these lessons. When can I say that I’ve learned enough?
Can I just tell you how much this all sucks? Because it does. And I think it is totally OK to feel that way and to take a little time to grieve the loss of the smart capable husband who was there doing his share of the house duties just a few years ago. I wish I could beam you off for a relaxing and restorative tropical vacation somewhere lovely (but not too hot) with no evergreen branches. Sigh. It sucks. It just does. I think you’ve totally learned enough lessons, dang it.
Thank you! Yes – I think that’s the part that hurts the most . . . missing the guy that knew how to do everything. And knowing that I can never fill those shoes. I feel inadequate most of the time, and it’s not a feeling I enjoy. And he is still saying “but I feel just fine.”
Hope the headaches go away now!
They’re getting better! I think I found the source.
My husband was completely unable to do anything for a very long time – years – when he had cancer. Couldn’t drive, couldn’t work. Now with the neck injury, we are back there. I resisted at first, but in reality, it’s just easier to do most things myself. It’s certainly not the way I had envisioned this time in my life, but it is what it is.