Where Do All the People Go?

One thing I have noticed, since M’s diagnosis, is that once you let people know you have something like this going on in your life, a great many of them scatter to the four winds – never to be seen or heard from again. Even your own family members.

This past weekend, I decided to have a dinner for some of M’s former co-workers and friends. These are people he has known for over 25 years. To start the invitation process, I texted five guys he used to work with and let them know I would be cooking lasagna on Leap Day, February 29th, and hoped they could bring their plus one and come to dinner at our house.

Of the five, I heard from one of them immediately – yes, he and his date would be there. Another one responded within a day or two and said yes, he and his wife would be there. The other three? Silence.

So, after a few days, I moved to Facebook messenger and looped in their wives. Said I was following-up from my earlier text and hoped to see them all on the 29th. Again, silence.

The Saturday before the big event, I called all three. I had to leave messages for them. One of them called me back and said he would have to check with his wife and would let me know. The other said he would have to see if his son had a wrestling tournament the following weekend and would let me know. The last? Silence. Again.

On Friday, before the Saturday dinner, I still had not heard from the one who had to talk to his wife.

I did get a text from the one whose son was wrestling. Turns out he DID have a wrestling match on Saturday, so he would not be able to come to dinner. Now, of course, you and I both know the school did not decide on Friday to schedule the match on Saturday, but – whatever.

Then, also on Friday afternoon, I got a text from the one I had not heard from at all. The one who had not replied to any of the texts, messages or phone calls. He texted to say that he and his wife would probably be a bit late, but would be there.

Really?

Okay – so that’s eight for sure, possibly ten for dinner.

So, Saturday afternoon, I’m getting ready. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off, when I get a text from the one who had said he might be running late but would be there.

Huh.

Turns out, he wasn’t feeling well, after all, so they weren’t going to make it, but we would DEFINITELY get together soon.

Sure.

That’s exactly how I responded to the text – one hour before they were scheduled to arrive. Sure.

Of course, the one who needed to confer with his wife never showed or was heard from. Then, one of them came WITHOUT his wife.

So, instead of ten for dinner, we had five.

M and I have been eating left-over lasagna ALL WEEK!

It was delicious (if I do say so myself!) and we had a good time, but . . . what is it? What makes people behave that way? Is it so hard to make a commitment and stick with it? I know it’s tough to see M the way he is – he’s not the guy you remember. But he’s not so far gone that you’d be uncomfortable or you couldn’t carry on a conversation with him.

And M LOVED having the three people there who WERE there. He said several times Saturday night (after they left) and on Sunday how much fun it was and how we should do it again.

So we are – doing it again, that is. I’ve already made plans for a March dinner party.

But no more lasagna. I don’t think I can face it.