I think the most surprising facet of this illness (dementia) is how quickly things change. For instance, the day can be moving along with M in a good mood and all systems “go,” as it were. Then, out of nowhere, something will change, for no reason whatsoever (or so it will seem to me) and his mood will turn black (or sad or depressed . . . you name it) and I’m completely caught off guard by it.
It happened again Sunday. The day was going right along. Soccer game on TV – which he and our sons enjoy watching and talking about. M and I at home, getting laundry done and winding the weekend up. Nothing much is happening, but it’s a good day.
Suddenly, everything changes. M is quiet, sad and I can’t seem to engage him in a discussion about anything.
What happened?
I realized it was close to lunch time, so I fixed him something to eat and drink, but that didn’t seem to make a difference. He ate, but then he went upstairs and sat in his room – all alone – and stared into space for a while.
Then he came back downstairs and sat in our dining room – away from the television – and stared into space.
When I asked him what was going on, if anything was wrong or what he needed, the only response I got was “I don’t know.”
As the day went on, he improved a bit, but he never really got back to the good mood he had been in at the start of the day. And I’ll probably never know why.
His belt continues to be a problem – even if he’s getting into the correct loops on his pants. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t spend an inordinate amount of time worrying with his belt . . . either it’s too loose or too tight or too . . . something. It’s just not right. And it’s bothering him. Nothing I do to help him makes it right, so he keeps adjusting it and messing with it.
And asking me to help him with it.
Finally, as I had promised him I was going to do, I got out his track pants (elastic waist pants) and (strongly) suggested he wear those instead of his jeans that he insisted needed the belt. Well, THAT was a non-starter. He wasn’t going to wear the track pants and he wasn’t going to go without a belt.
So there.
If I would JUST HELP HIM WITH HIS BELT and WHY CAN’T YOU JUST HELP ME?
Doesn’t that sound like a TON of fun to deal with?
Sigh.
I know it’s not him. And I know it’s not really the belt. But I do want to apologize to the people in my local Neighborhood Wal-Mart who were witness to my recent breakdown as I went up and down the aisles, talking to myself, saying “I don’t HAVE to go back home. There’s absolutely no one that’s making me go back there. I can just get in my car and drive right on out of here. I DON’T have to go back home.”
I didn’t mean to scare y’all like that.
And yes, I did go back home.