Endgame Was Sad, But . . .

Our Younger Son is so happy – M and I finally watched all The Avenger movies through “Avengers: Endgame,” so now we can finally watch the Loki series and be able to discuss it with him. Although, when I talked to YS about all the movies leading up to “Endgame,” it was as though he and I saw completely different movies.

He would say things like “did you notice, when this happened, it was referencing that?” or “did you see when he did this thing, it meant that this other thing was about to happen” and I would feel as though I had watched the movies with the sound off. I think maybe YS and I need to watch the movies again together.

M enjoyed the movies, but “Endgame” really got to him. If you haven’t seen it, I won’t spoil it for you, but it’s common knowledge that one (or more) of the Avengers dies during the course of their battle with the big bad guy. I had my ideas about which one it was – and I was wrong! When we got to the big death scene, I was touched and a little misty but M was inconsolable! He was crying so hard that he had to get up and leave the room!

I reminded him that it was just a movie – and he said that he knew it – but he was really upset.

We were staying in and watching movies through the weekend because a series of thunderstorms were rolling through our area. It wouldn’t have been a problem, or even really noticeable, but our two dogs seem to get more and more afraid of storms with every one that comes through. And they seem to know one is on the way LONG before I do. One of them will be leaning up against my leg, shaking like a leaf and when I look around, the sun is shining and I don’t hear a thing. But if I give it about 10 – 15 minutes, I’ll start to hear thunder in the distance. And then they REALLY start going out of their minds!! I’ve thought about looking into one of those Thunder Shirts or some other aide to help them adjust . . . I’m just not sure what would really work – and what would just be a money grab.

Wednesday was another bowling night – it’s amazing how quickly they come around again. M did really well this week. In fact, I think he had his highest score ever. We got home at our normal time on bowling night (roughly 9:30 pm, which is about an hour later than he normally goes to bed) but this week he had one of those nights when it seemed as though a switch flipped.

As we got into the house, I told him to go upstairs and get undressed – I was turning off lights in the kitchen and getting water for both of us. Suddenly, he didn’t seem to understand anything I was saying. He started wandering back and forth, from his bedroom to the kitchen, saying “I don’t know. I just don’t understand.”

And I’m trying to be patient. I really am. But I’ve had a LONG day in a job I no longer enjoy. I’ve had an evening of having to guide him to which lane he’s supposed to be bowling in and reminding him every single time that he gets two tries to get all the pins down, so “wait for your ball to come back and try again!” And then when I give him his nightly medicine – the exact same medicine I’ve given him every night for the past year and he says, “how do I know you’re not trying to poison me?” it makes me want to shove those little pills right up his nose!

Believe me, if I were trying to poison you, you’d be poisoned by now!!

Today, I can laugh about it. But Wednesday night . . . well, let’s just say, I wasn’t laughing.

I know he can’t help it. I know all these things he does and says are because his brain is playing tricks on him. He’s not doing it to be mean or unpleasant or to upset me. If he had any idea that I was hurt or sad because of something he said or did, he would be devastated. At least, the old M would be.

I know these things.

But they’re hard to remember sometimes.