It should be so simple. I had it all planned out. I was going to visit several long-term care properties in the area, decide which ones I liked, sit down with my children (including my daughter-in-law, because I value her opinion) and we would make a decision. What I neglected to factor in was the human element. I didn’t take into account how making this decision would throw my children for a loop and, in turn, throw a monkey wrench into all my plans.
It should be so simple. I had it all planned out. All by myself, I had chosen a long-term care property for M to move into, a date for the move had been selected, movers arranged and everything was ready to go. What I neglected to factor in was the human element. I didn’t take into account M’s ever-changing disease and how this might affect his behavior on a daily (minute-by-minute) basis. Instead of moving into the long-term care property two weeks ago, M went into a behavioral health unit at a local hospital to try to get his behavior under control. And is still sitting there.
It should be so simple. Now, I didn’t really have this all planned out, but I thought once M was in the behavioral health unit, it would be very easy for the professionals to assess and treat him and then we would be able to move forward with the original plan. What I neglected to factor in was the human element. I didn’t take into account blankety-blank-blank dementia and how it NEVER responds to any medical treatment the way you expect it to. If you give a dementia patient an anti-anxiety drug, chances are they’ll become MORE anxious, not less. Even though M has been in the hospital for OVER TWO WEEKS and the psychiatrist has discharged him from psychiatric care (thanks a lot, buddy!) his behavior really isn’t that much different from what it was when he went into the hospital. So, now what?
It should be so simple. I had it all planned out. Once M got out of the hospital, he was going to go directly to the long-term care property I spent hours/days/weeks choosing. And then the director of this carefully chosen property’s memory care unit broke her arm. And another staff member resigned. So now, they don’t feel they have enough staff to bring in someone with the care needs that M has. Or, at least that’s the excuse they gave me. Either way, here I am, on the search for another property to take him.
Is there a property – where I would consider placing him – that will take him?
Thank goodness it’s close to Halloween. That means there might be enough chocolate out there to help me get through this.
OMG, what a situation. I feel for you so much!
Thank you – this is SO frustrating!
Two things come to mind when I read this post. #1, and this is often attributed to John Lennon: Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. It actually traces back to Proverbs 9, ‘A man’s heart deviseth his way, but the Lord directeth his steps.’ I have often found that regardless of my intention and often despite them, I find myself completely reoriented otherwise both in time and direction. It usually is for a reason I only realize later, and it is always for the best. The second thing I want to mention is that my 56 year old husband, who has the exact same diagnosis as yours, started on his anti-anxiety meds AFTER he began the following: his memory meds (Aricept aka donepezil) and his anti-psychotic meds (Nuplazid aka pimavanserin), initially given to Parkinson’s sufferers but now administered the past 5-6 years successfully to Alzheimer’s patients for visual and auditory hallucinations). It wasn’t until my husband was on the last med a good 5-6 months that he demonstrated the need for meds to ease his chronic depression, from which I noted he’d suffered even prior to his Alzheimer’s diagnosis. We found that Lexapro aka escitalopram can treat depression and generalized anxiety disorder, and works really well for him, thank heavens. In fact he started with 10mg, went to 20mg and when he noted he was leveled off and started feeling sad and I’d turn to look at him and he’d be sitting there silently with tears running down his face (!), I had the doctor up the dose to 40mg.
Finally, I really get the sense that M isn’t supposed to be where you originally decided he should be. If the director and one other person resigning is enough to have them tell you he can’t come, that would make me back out. They sound incompetent. Quite honestly, the folks in the psych care at the hospital don’t sound much better. Two weeks??? My heart’s been absolutely aching for you and I wish I could come sweep you up and fix everything for you and M. This whole situations isn’t right and you both need an advocate to fight for you – BOTH OF YOU. If you have any resource with the Council on Aging in your area, or any county or state ombudsperson, I would definitely use it. Please feel free to email me I am happy to research some other options for you if you want. Take care and I am pulling for you. Neither of you should be suffering this way.
Thank you! I’ve written down this info and I’m going in armed with this tomorrow. It’s all so frustrating because, as you know, everyone has their own agenda and no one seems to have M’s best interest at heart. Thank you SO MUCH for reminding me that we both need an advocate on our side!
Sending you love and big hugs.
I could use one of your real life hugs!! Miss you SO MUCH, my sweet friend.
When all you want to do is curl up on the couch with a drink a good book it turns out to be a time when you have to make noise, a lot of noise. Good luck with your noisemaking. May someone listen and step forward.