Lights On, Lights Off, Repeat

Watching M navigate the world can be incredibly frustrating for me sometimes, so I can’t imagine how it must be for him. I think I have myself all together – relatively speaking – so watching him trying to makes sense of his surroundings or changing environment can be a challenge.

Take lights, for example. I know I’ve mentioned them before, but there are certain lights in the house that he will turn on and leave on, no matter what. It doesn’t matter how bright and sunny the day might be, I can count on the lights in the pantry, the hall bath and the steps going downstairs ALWAYS being on.

But then there are lights that he will NEVER turn on. No matter how dark it is. It could be midnight and he will walk into the garage and not turn the light on. The switch is right there at the garage door and the light is bright and helpful, but he will stumble in the dark before he will turn it on.

Then there are doors and whether or not they are opened or closed. It could be five degrees or ninety degrees outside, but if he goes out the back door, it never occurs to him to shut the door behind him. I’ll be standing in the kitchen and suddenly feel a blast of cold air around my legs . . . and I’ll know. The back door is open.

But the hall bath – I like to keep that door open when no one is in there. The window in that room is the only source of light in the hallway and I like to keep air flowing to reduce mold and moisture in the bath. Every time M steps out of the bathroom, he firmly shuts the door behind him. Even if he was just putting towels away in the closet – the door is SHUT!

And I know all these little “quirks” are just a result of the disease. There’s no point in me spending any brain power on it. I’ll only drive myself crazy.

Er.

Crazier.

But situations like last night, when he stayed up with our younger son to watch the football game, just about send me over the edge. I went to bed at my regular time, since I was going to work today, and left the guys watching TV. Around 2 am, I woke up and realized a light was on in M’s room. He was asleep with his bedside lamp on. I turned it off and went back to bed.

When I mentioned it to him this morning, he said, “Yeah, I noticed that last night. I wondered who left that light on.” In other words, he saw the light was on . . . didn’t turn it off, but was annoyed that it had been left on.

Crazier.