When M was undergoing testing to determine what was going on with his brain, WAY back in 2018, there were only a couple of times he seemed scared of what the diagnosis might be. The incident I remember most happened as we were leaving the neurologist’s office after he had been asked to state how many quarters there were in $3.75, to count backward from 100 by 7 and to remember three words he had been given at the beginning of the exercise.
He couldn’t do any of the tasks and kept looking at me for help.
When we got to the car, he was VERY upset and frightened about what could be going on. But, as time went on, he continued to tell me that he felt fine and that there was nothing wrong with him.
And he has continued to say that. Even as he stopped working and his car was sold. Of course, I haven’t said anything to the contrary. Why would I? I’m glad he feels fine and has a positive attitude.
However, I unknowingly put his positive attitude to the test Saturday night when we were out, running errands, and we stopped at the gym to cancel his membership.
Before the quarantine and shut-down started in March, M was going to the gym several times a week and was able to drive himself there. When everything was closed, he said he was going to work out at home and wait for the gym to open back up. Our state has been VERY slow in allowing gyms to re-open and they’ve only been open a few months.
But so much has changed with M in that time.
He can’t drive himself to the gym anymore and going in the evening isn’t an option. Meanwhile, our account is being charged $10 a month for something he isn’t using. I know it’s only $10, and that isn’t going to break the bank . . . but it adds up! Now that our income is greatly reduced, we have to be aware of expenses like this.
While we were out, we stopped by the gym and he cancelled his membership. At first, he didn’t say much. As we went on with our trip, I realized he REALLY wasn’t saying much. At all.
He wouldn’t talk to me about it or tell me why he was angry or upset. But after a few hours, he finally said “I can’t do anything.”
He can’t drive. He can’t work. He can’t go to the gym. All the things that used to be a part of his day – a part of who he was. Now he can’t do them anymore. And he wasn’t complaining that they’ve been taken away from him. He had just come to the realization that he truly couldn’t perform those tasks any longer.
If I think about the stages of grief, he was definitely in denial for a long time – nearly two years. But I think now we’ve moved to anger/depression. He knows there’s a problem. It’s not going to get better.
All I can do is be there for him. Continue to assure him that we’re a team. That we’re going to make this work – no matter what.
That’s really all I’ve got.
❤️ Keeping you both in my prayers. ❤️
Thank you!! 🙂
GOD bless you both! You have all of our love and respect. What you have been faced with is more than most people can deal with day after day. Forest Gump, said it all, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get!” YOU, my dear, you know what you are going to get and you carry on like the true warrior that you have become! Love you 💕💕
You are such a love – thank you for all your love and support! I just wish we were closer so I could get a hug every once in a while! Give Jack our love!!
I remember vividly a moment in the car with my dad. I was driving and we were talking about something he was having trouble doing and I mentioned his dementia diagnosis and he was stunned. He had forgotten he had dementia and didn’t believe me. It was heartbreaking. I was spending so much time helping him to navigate that I didn’t even realize he didn’t remember. Just thinking of you both as you figure out this new kind of normal.
Bless his heart – and yours! I can’t imagine what that must have been like. Sending you love and hugs!