Hope you’re sitting down – this will come as a SHOCKER to you. M is STILL in the ER at the hospital. STILL not getting the treatment he needs.
Before Thanksgiving, I asked on my Facebook page if there was ANYONE who might have a connection or idea of how I could get him the help he needed. People were very kind and offered sympathy and prayers. Some had very good ideas and made calls for me, which I had the highest hopes would pan out. I was ACTUALLY able to speak to M’s neurologist on the phone (he called me, on my cell phone!!) to discuss his treatment and how we could get him where he needed to be.
And there he sits.
I got a call from the Case Management Social Worker Monday afternoon – she’s young and I could tell immediately that she didn’t want to deliver whatever message she had been told to tell me. She kept dancing around it, so I finally asked her, “What is it you DON’T want to tell me?” Of course, it was that “upper management” had decided that M had been there long enough, they had done all they could for him and it was time for him to go home.
But – they had an idea to help me. I could hire 24-hour, in home care for him. Isn’t that nice?
I don’t know what kind of resources they THINK I have or what they were dreaming about, but I let her know that NO – M was NOT coming home and NO – I cannot afford to hire anyone to come in and care for him 24/7. Not happening.
I think she expected me to jump in my car and head down there to pick him up. She seemed surprised that I pushed back. Then she gave me the contact info for her supervisor and got off the phone as quickly as she could.
My first inclination was to call the supervisor and have a fit, but then I thought “no, we’re on the same team. We both want him to be taken care of.” So when I called her, I approached the conversation with that idea in mind – we’re both working toward the same goal.
I can’t say it was a huge success – I mean, he is still sitting there. But she does agree with me that where he is is NOT where he should be. And she knows that I’ve been working, just as hard (if not harder) than they have, to find him a place that WILL be a good fit for him. So when I hung up the phone, she assured me he could stay until we figured something out.
When I was able to talk to M’s neurologist, he agreed that M was NOT to come home, that it is NOT safe (for me) for him to be here, and he is also working to try to get M somewhere where he can get the treatment he needs. The problem – which has been the problem all along, is that there are so few beds in the so few facilities that handle people with problems like M has.
And there he sits.
I’m so sorry this has been such a struggle for you. The system has failed you and him both. I can’t imagine the stress you must be under and I fear the future will lead me to the same place, as my partner has so many similar issues. It’s like they just don’t know what to do to help you and that is so sad for everyone involved. Thinking of you.
GOD bless you, sweet lady! One thing you do have is stamina! Prayers for the two of you, from my heart to GOD’S ears.
Love you!
I find it unimaginable that M is not in a care facility after all this time. I can understand experiencing some initial difficulties but this ongoing saga of no care & “not a psychiatric issue” reeks of malpractice. At a minimum, treatment to manage M’s aggression without putting him in a vegetative state is needed. I hope M’s neurologist has been able come up with pharmacological alternatives & perhaps connect you to a mental health/ dementia advocate that can bulldoze through the system. Is there a dementia advocacy agency in the piedmont area or at the state level? Stay strong. You are correct in realizing you can no longer care for M by yourself.