How to you update a situation in which there is no update?
Here we are, 37 days since M went into the emergency department at our local hospital and he is still there . . . sitting in the emergency department at our local hospital. And that was after 32 days in ANOTHER hospital ER. I wish I had a dollar for every memory care, assisted living and/or skilled nursing facility I’ve called to ask if they had availability to take him. The hospital has sent his chart and records out to so many places, it’s a wonder they haven’t started getting “cease and desist orders” to stop sending the records to certain places because they’re NOT going to take him.
And yet, there he is – still sitting there.
It’s been 37 days since he’s been outside, since he’s seen the sun. And I’ll be honest with you – I haven’t been up there to see him. I know – it sounds horrible – but here’s my thought about that. He was originally taken to the hospital because of his behavior and his aggression issues. The physicians there have him on a regimen of medication that seems to have his behavior under control. But what if I show up there and it upsets everything?
I don’t want to go there and have him think I’m there to take him home or have him get upset because he thinks he’s supposed to leave with me and then there goes three weeks worth of good behavior in his chart – all because I showed up for a visit. We’re having a hard enough time getting facilities to give him a chance with “bad behavior” noted in the chart as the reason he came in.
On the other hand, his brother was here last week and visited with him without any issues. M’s brother said that he wasn’t sure M recognized who he was, but that he did laugh a couple of times and was pleasant. So I go back and forth. I’m not sure what to do . . . what is best?
We’ve had two virtual, online Care Team meetings with the hospital during these five weeks. I can’t say they’ve been productive, because M is still stuck there at the hospital, but I have a clearer idea of who is working with us, to help us . . . and who is NOT.
For the most part, everyone at the hospital has been helpful and is working hard to find a placement for M. There is one social worker there, however, who sits with her camera off the entire meeting, so you never see her, and any time she’s asked a question, she can never answer it because she is always “doing something else.” Why is she even in the meeting if she’s “so busy” that she can’t be bothered to participate? I guess it’s a good time to get her Solitaire score up.
There are so many agencies and officials I’ve spoken to – or others have talked to on M’s behalf – during this time. A friend messaged me recently to send her thoughts as I’m navigating our broken health care system. She reminded me there are more people stuck, just like my husband, than I could imagine. And when I spoke to the head of the Transitions of Care team at the hospital this morning and told her I knew she was getting a lot of pressure from the hospital administration to get my husband out of there, she told me that he was one of several patients who had been there for an extended period of time, all for similar reasons.
The PowerBall drawing for tonight is $363 Million dollars. I have an idea what that money could be well spent on.
Oh Linda, my heart goes out to you. I will continue to pray for answers and for peace in your heart, I wish that there was something concrete to offer you. Much love.
Thank you! Talk about a situation I NEVER thought I would find myself in . . . I keep praying that a window will open, since all the doors seem to be closed. Hopefully, one day soon!
No comment, just a sad sad head shake. I’m especially sad for you.
Thank you – I keep thinking it can’t go on much longer . . . and then it does.
You have my love, respect, and support. Its hard to even imagine what you’ve been through if you haven’t been there or close to someone that’s been there. The health system really needs to take a hard look at this and build facilities for those in your situation. Bless M. And bless you, Linda.
Thank you! The pictures of that cutie pie puppy have been a blessing, giving me something sweet to look at and smile about when I need it. You have no idea!
I’m so sorry to read that there’s not been any good news to report. I think about you and your situation every day. This seems heart-wrenching and maddening all at the same time. I wish I had ideas or knew an answer. Hang in there friend, there WILL be an answer eventually. I hope you can still enjoy Christmas with the rest of your family. 🎄❤️ ((Hugs))
It’s so hard when you understand WHY care communities don’t want to take a chance . . . but at the same time, this is the business they’re in. Let’s get him in there and start caring for him! It just makes me crazy. I also understand why caregivers are brought down by caregiving. It really weighs you down.
This situation is heartbreaking on so many levels. The healthcare system is drastically failing those without a voice. I pray for you & M every day and that M will be placed locally with professional, kind, loving caregivers.
That’s it – close, caring, kind, loving . . . it seems like we can’t get all those things together. I think I’d even take a spot in the WORST place and find a way to make it work. If he had a bed there, I’d be all over them like a rash and make sure he was getting the care he needed. We just need a spot.
I have been waiting for your post, because I can’t stand thinking of you and M in limbo. And you still are in limbo! How hard this must be. My prayers are with you.
Thank you. I can’t believe it myself. It really doesn’t seem possible that it’s STILL going on, but here we are. And I wonder – what HAVEN’T we done? Who ELSE do we need to talk to? I just don’t know.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you! Miss you!
This is beyond insane. I am so sorry. Praying you can find some help soon.
Thank you! Miss seeing you on the (Face)Book of June.
This breaks my heart. For you. For M. For the kids and grandkids.
My only hope is in the fact that God waste nothing. No tear, no trial, no experience.
Praying that somehow this situation evokes change in the system. That this life experience is the catalyst for other lives to be valued and impacted in positive ways.
Right? There’s GOT to be a reason for all this, but I’m too deep in it right now to see it. All I want is my husband to be cared for in the best way possible, but it seems as though I’m asking too much.
Linda,
My heart is heavy for you, M and your family. We just never understand the why. It may not feel like it, but God has not left or forsaken either of you. I think of Job, who wished he’d never been born. After much suffering, God speaks and reminds Job of His sovereignty, of all wonders in His creation, and mysteries that our human mind can’t make sense of. God is big enough to handle all our anger, hurt, questions and still love us deeply. Run to him.
Before Randolph, I was the Admissions Director at a SNF. Teepa Snow gave several talks at caregiver conferences. At that time, she was very progressive in her approach to Dementia care. If you haven’t found her resources yet, check out her website, teepasnow.com.
“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/2co.4.16-17.NLT
Thinking of and praying for you and your family, I await your updates and hope for good news with each post. Sending you love and strength.