I joined a Facebook group for caregivers of people with dementia and had hoped it would be a good place to learn about options that are out there for us and things I didn’t know about. But all I seem to see and read are horror stories.
People write about their loved one who is in memory care but has been abused. Or is at home with them, but is angry and violent and police have to be called. Or they’re irrational and haven’t bathed for six months.
I know all those things are someone’s reality. And they very well could become my reality.
But I was so much happier not knowing and reading about them.
I don’t know if I’m going to withdraw from the group or just “mute” it so I don’t see their posts for a while.
I’ll be better off looking at updates from friends and shopping and cooking sites. They don’t make me depressed nearly as much!
My dear, you don’t need this. Just try to focus on a day at a time. You may never have to face any of these issues.
Thank you! 🙂
I agree with Tee. The time may come when that is part of your story, but for now you can still enjoy and deal with where you are now without hearing all the negatives. You’re doing great.
Thank you! 🙂
If you’re not feeling supported it’s not the support group for you. Don’t feel bad focusing elsewhere. You’re also not hiding your head in the sand – you’ve put in an admirable amount of work in sorting out medical and financial issues that would overwhelm many people.
Thank you – sometimes I forget how far we’ve come. 🙂
I agree Linda, all negative remarks will do nothing but depress you. You are a positive person so look on the positive side (no matter how hard) and see how truly blessed you are. Leave that group and lean on friends and family who love you. We can’t help nor read minds without knowing specifically what you need. Love you.
Thank you! Love you! 🙂
I think that people post the bad days because they need to vent and get support. On the good days, they don’t need that, so they don’t post anything. It doesn’t occur to them to say “Hey, we had a good day today and my loved one was happy!” like you do. I see this same thing in a widow’s group I belong to, and all people post on there is how they’re miserable and can’t cope and they’re struggling, and how much they miss their loved one. They’re depressed, they can’t get out of bed. Ok, I get it, I’ve had days like that too, but seeing all that sadness coming from all of you is really depressing me! I get to the point where I have to “snooze” people in the group for 30 days just to give myself a little breathing room to get myself right again. All those horror stories are not good for you mentally and they’re not supporting you in any way. So consider snoozing people too, or get out of the group altogether! I’m sure there have to be positive, uplifting groups out there for you. That’s what you need!
You’re right – I’m going to keep looking! 🙂
Many years ago I was looking for an in-person support group and found one that seemed like just the thing. I went to a few meetings and it was just tale after tale of woe. I knew it wasn’t right for me and bailed out. I know the people were just doing what they needed to do but to me it seemed like they were wallowing and I didn’t want that. To each their own, you’ll find the right thing at the right time.
I think you’re right – I need to keep looking. 🙂