All winning streaks must come to an end . . . and so it is with the peaceful, easy time M and I had while I was out of the house every evening last week. Sigh. It was fun while it lasted.
This past weekend, he and I didn’t have much scheduled so we had LOTS of together time. And then it turned out to be a very rainy weekend, which increased the amount of time we got to spend together. Yet another planned kayak trip was rained out – I’m beginning to think that we’re not meant to get the kayaks out of the garage.
Yesterday, I asked M to strip the beds while I got the laundry started. He asked me which beds.
The ones we sleep in.
The ones we strip every Sunday and wash.
I just said the ones we sleep in and he did it without a problem. But I was a little surprised by the question.
Ah well – we now have clean sheets and comforters!
Last night, I had dinner with a friend from church. She’s in her mid-70s and is raising her 10-year-old grandson, and has since he was an infant. The child has just been diagnosed with ADHD and she was talking about some of the challenges she’s had during this school year.
I was thinking, as I drove home, that I didn’t think I could handle raising a small child again. I adore my grandchildren and love spending time with them, but I also love sending them back home and getting some rest. When you start naming your blessings, I guess you have to be aware of the situations you COULD be in.
This weekend should be interesting. M and I are going to try – once again – to get the kayaks out and take them up to the Dan River for a paddle. I’ve never pulled a trailer so, with the added help of his backseat driving, this should be a ton of fun.
Yesterday was a great day! I had a couple of errands to run after work, but I had marked them on our GIANT wall calendar and I texted M about them as I was leaving work so he was aware. I had also made sure he had dinner foods in the fridge, so he could handle all that without me.
By the time I got home, it was only 7:30, but he was already in the shower. When he got out, I told him I had thought about taking the dogs to the frozen custard shop – and he already had his shorts and t-shirt on before I could finish the sentence. He was ready to go! Suggest a break in his keto-type eating and he’s in!
We got small vanilla cones for the dogs (and yes, large chocolate cones for the humans) and everyone had a great time. Our younger dog is 3 years old today, so she suffered through me putting a birthday hat on her head in exchange for the frozen custard. I think she’ll forgive me soon.
It all went well – M was focused and helpful with the dogs. He even got out of the car (without me asking) and helped me back out of a parking spot when a truck beside me was too big for me to see around it .
He and I also had a calm discussion about our finances and how we’ll handle things when he isn’t able to work anymore. He didn’t get snippy and start blustering about “what do you mean, I’m not going to be able to work anymore?” It was actually a productive conversation. No concrete plans, but we have a direction.
I’ll take every good day I can get.
The picture is of the birthday girl, enjoying her treat.
Yesterday, I needed to run by Barnes & Noble for a gift. But for me – someone who LOVES books – I could spend hours in there, looking at all the new titles and adding to my (way too long already) reading list. It’s like a candy store for me.
I asked M as I was leaving the house if he wanted to go with me and I was surprised that he did. As we were backing down the driveway, he looked in both directions to see if a car was coming. I could try to look around him so that I, as the driver, could see if a car is coming, but I decided to wait until he was finished. Then he wanted to know why I was sitting there. I told him we both can’t drive the car – so I’m waiting for him to finish his traffic check, then I’ll do mine. Now that I’m doing all the driving, his “back seat driving” is getting worse and worse. He’s about to find himself actually sitting in the back seat, with a magazine or blinders on so he can’t see what’s going on!
When we got to Barnes & Noble, it was like having a toddler with me – “how much longer are we going to be here?” Well, I had just gotten started! I knew what I had gone to the store to buy, but I had lots of looking to do, just for fun. Talk about annoying . . . he was driving me crazy! I don’t know if it was him being a man or his dementia kicking in, but honestly! I told him I was going to leave him at home next time.
And then the trip home – more helpful hints for my driving, such as showing me when the light turned green. Because I can’t see that on my own. I wonder how I drive to work every day, all by myself.
A friend posted on his Facebook page yesterday – Count your blessings. Name them one by one. I have to take a deep breath and remember this.
I was late for work today. It wasn’t a big deal, but I hate that. I had been ready to walk out the door . . . all I had to do was put one of the dogs into her crate for the day (she has separation anxiety and will chew the furniture if I leave her out) when I looked in the backyard to call them inside and they weren’t there.
???
I walked out the front door and there they were, running from the side yard, into the front yard – like a couple of nutters. I asked them what they thought they were doing, but they had no answers for me, so I brought them in, then had to go and check on the gate for the backyard. It was locked, but it was locked without being latched, so it had opened and they were free to roam.
Now, I know I haven’t used that gate since we got back from our trip. It’s probably been six weeks or more since I’ve gone around the side of the house through that entrance. I know the dogs didn’t do it, so it’s safe to say who did. But if I bring it up, I also know what M will say:
“I didn’t do it!”
And he’ll be all offended that I’m even suggesting that he did. So . . . do I tell him my interesting story from this morning or do I just keep my mouth shut? What is that saying – discretion is the better part of valor? Or do I need to say something about *we* need to be more careful?
Maybe something else interesting will happen today.
The photo is one of this morning’s escapees, contemplating a future jailbreak.
M and I had a really good evening last night. But I have to admit, we definitely miss being able to walk to the dining room and just pointing to whatever strikes our fancy for that evening’s meal and having it served to us. Having to think of a meal, then cook it and eat it, then clean up afterward is for the birds – after you’ve seen how the other half live!
While we were away, I noticed that whenever we walked anywhere – through the ship, around a town we were visiting . . . whatever – M would be two or three steps behind me. I would stop and wait for him to catch up and then he would drop back again. I wanted to talk to him about what we were seeing or what we were going to do next, but he always seemed to walk so much slower than I did and never wanted to catch up.
But when we were in the dining room on the ship and walking around the buffet, he was practically in my back pocket. If I made the mistake of stopping before he realized I was going to, he would plow right into me – he was so close! And I don’t know why. After the first day, we knew our way around the buffet, it wasn’t like he needed my help negotiating the room. But he was right up against me the whole time.
Here’s a picture M took of me in Skagway, AK. Notice how he managed to get into the picture, too?
One of the first things we had to do when we got back from our trip was to take my car to the repair shop. The a/c works just fine as you’re driving down the road, but if you have to stop in traffic or at a light, it starts blowing out hot air. And since the high temperature is going to be 95 today, I decided that was a repair that couldn’t wait. So we dropped it off Monday night and put the key, along with a write-up of the problem, in a box on the door of the shop and left it for the repair folks to tackle Tuesday morning.
I didn’t hear anything from them yesterday, so I assume they had a busy day and didn’t get to it. When I got home and walked through the door, M said “I thought you would bring your car home.” Me: They didn’t call me. M: But I thought you would bring your car home. Me: But they didn’t call me.
We went back and forth like that a couple of times before he finally understood – my car isn’t ready, the repair shop didn’t call. I don’t have it. It was almost as though he thought I was hiding my car in my purse and I was going to bring it out like a magic trick.
He’s gotten some good news at work – a position, doing the type of work he’s doing now, but in the area where he used to be (so he’d be back with all the people he was with for over 20 years) has opened up and been offered to him. He’s very excited about it and looking forward to moving back with his friends. Hopefully, it will happen soon. He did tell me that his current boss told him yesterday that he (the current boss) can stop this move from happening. Why do people have to be jerks, just for the sake of being jerks? M doesn’t think this boss can stop him from going – he’s already put in the required amount of time in the new position. So we’ll see what happens.
Whew – we did it. There were a few days I wasn’t sure we were going to make it, but we did and we had a wonderful time! We really, truly did. I can’t recommend this trip enough. Holland America is a fabulous cruise line and our travel agent, Go Forth Travel, did a marvelous job of keeping us in the right place at the right time.
M did pretty well on the trip. Being away from home and the disruption of his daily routine was an issue for him, as I had been afraid of. I found that if I warned him ahead of time and told him “tomorrow we’re going to be doing these three things, it’s going to take this amount of time and we’re going to be away from the ship from this time until this time,” he handled the day much better.
The toughest part of the trip was getting through security at the airport and then getting through the security scanner each time we came back on the ship. I didn’t realize M would have such a hard time with this process and wasn’t prepared to get myself through and coach him through the process. Once I realized what was happening, I handled it better and things went more smoothly.
I think the closest I came to having a breakdown was getting through US Customs in Vancouver. We had taken a bus from Seattle to Vancouver and had gone through Canadian customs with no problems. But, before we could board the ship, we had to go through US Customs – I don’t know why. The line was long, we had already had a long day and nerves were frayed. About halfway through the line, M decides he’s had enough and starts pitching a fit, raising his voice and letting everyone know that “THIS IS RIDICULOUS.” Okay, yes – it is ridiculous, but standing in line, waiting for US Customs to give us approval to board a ship that we have paid A LOT of money to get on is NOT the time to let everyone know that. If there were ever a time to just hush and take one for the team, this would be it. Of course, all my snacks and candy were in another bag and I didn’t have anything to try to make things better except the promise it wouldn’t be much longer. I still don’t know how we got out of there.
Mr. Grizzly Bear says “aarrgg!”
So now we’re back, well rested and on our regular schedules again. No more “all you can eat” buffets. No more room stewards making the bed and cleaning the room. I think I could get used to that kind of life. But I’ve learned that having M in a regular routine is very important. I’ve also learned that I need someone else with me if we ever travel again – having all the responsibility for him is too much.
So here we are – the day before we leave on our big trip. Yay!
I’m a little concerned, because it means taking M out of the comfort of his routines. He does better with routine, so I’m not sure how this is going to be for him. He seems to be looking forward to this, though, so I hope it’s going to go well. I say “seems to be” . . . he doesn’t get excited and enthusiastic about things like he used to.
I usually have at least one major freak out about an upcoming trip in the days prior to the event – and I managed to work that in on Wednesday. I got an email from the cruise line letting me know what time we were to board the ship and it occurred to me that none of the logistics and itineraries I had for the trip seemed to match up with the departure times and . . . there I went. Spinning out of control.
Fortunately, my travel agent is wonderfully patient and walked me through the entire process and I really do have everything I need. So, I’ve printed out every correspondence from her – including her phone number – and I’m set.
I don’t think I’ll do much in the way of “blogging” or checking in on this space while we’re gone. Wifi on the ship is pricey $$$ and I’ve spent enough. But, I’ll try to take lots of notes so I can report back on the funny stories that happen – because there are bound to be funny stories that happen!! – when we get back.
Sending all of you love and hugs – and many thanks for your support!
It’s possible I’ve found another “work around” that has reduced stress and made life a little bit easier. Yay!
I left M a list of chores to do when he got home yesterday – I asked him to run the vacuum and dust our bedroom. He also decided to cut the grass in the backyard. By the time I got home, he had done everything except dust and he asked if the dusting REALLY needed to be done. I asked if he had REALLY looked at our bedroom recently.
I have to say, he did a great job. He wasn’t so good about putting things back where they had been, but I went behind him and replaced everything and – between the two of us – we got it done in record time. Success!
I also made sure the dogs had water before I left the house this morning.
As he finished breakfast today, he put his plate in the dishwasher and I noticed that the plates were loaded backwards from the way the dishwasher rack is set up to wash them. And they were falling over. I asked them why he had the plates in there like that and his response was:
“It wasn’t me. I didn’t put them in there like that.”
Well, let’s see. These are your breakfast dishes. There are four of them there – one for each day this week, Monday through Thursday. You put them in there every morning. So who do you think did that?
I’m starting to learn – whenever he says “It wasn’t me,” you can bet it most certainly was him.
Oh! I knew there was news . . . I heard back from his neurologist on the Frontotemporal Dementia question. The results of his earlier PET scan show that is NOT the form of dementia that M has. Even though there are several similarities between the different forms and he is so young to have developed dementia, that is not the area of his brain that has been affected.
