Tag: Alzheimers

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Running, Screaming Fit

(Originally posted in Facebook on May 8, 2019)

Yesterday was a really good day – work went well. I met a friend for dinner and had fun catching up.

Then I went home.

The dogs had no water and their bowls were completely dry. Everything from breakfast was exactly where I had left it when I left the house at 7:30 am. Nothing had been done. So I asked M, what have you been doing since you got home at 3:45 pm?

Watching TV.

We’re leaving on a two-week trip in three days. He’s done zero packing, washing, preparation . . . nothing.

Now, I’m not one of those people who will have their house spotlessly clean and the car washed and waxed before I go on a trip, but I would like to avoid it looking like a cyclone has gone through the place. And I do think it’s a good idea to have some climate appropriate clothes packed for this trip that we’ve been planning and have spent A LOT OF MONEY on.

So, I gave the dogs water.

Then, M took the laundry basket downstairs to the laundry room. And sat it there. I went downstairs and emptied it, separated the clothes and then brought the empty basket back upstairs.

I feel like I am constantly bitching about everything. This is not how I want to live my life. I want to appreciate every day. I want to appreciate the time we have together.

I just feel so overwhelmed – as though I’m sitting on a tiny little surfboard on the sand and a wave is growing bigger and bigger in front of me. It’s way over my head and starting to block out the sky. I’ve never had a panic attack, but I think I can understand the forces that would cause one.

I’m the oldest of five children and when I was growing up and my mom would get frustrated with us, she would say she was going to have a running, screaming fit.

Yep, I’m there.

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Pacific Ocean

(Originally posted in Facebook on May 7, 2019)

Last night was a nice, quiet evening. Yay! M and I spent most of our time trying to get a head start on our packing for our upcoming trip.(The photo is of the Pacific Ocean – we get to see it again!!) The real question seems to be where I’ve hidden all my jeans and long pants in the 3-4 weeks since warm weather finally arrived? I know I’ve been trying to do some purging, but SURELY I didn’t get rid of those vital items!?!?!

The mystery continues.

M did really well until this morning, when I asked him to get a new supply of napkins for the napkin holder in the kitchen. He went in the pantry, then called back out to ask me where they were. I directed him to the cabinet where we keep them . . . where we’ve been keeping them for the past 10 years or so. After he left for work, I went back in the pantry and closed the cabinet door and turned off the light.

It’s the trail of where M has been.

I’m still waiting to hear back from his doctor, regarding Frontotemporal Dementia and whether or not this is what M is dealing with. It doesn’t make any difference, really. But I’d like to know.

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Traveling Man

(Originally posted in Facebook on May 6, 2019)

I am totally IN LOVE with ordering groceries online.

There. I said it, and I don’t care who knows.

It was the most wonderful system I’ve ever seen!! When it was time to pick the groceries up, I hit the “I’m on my way” button on my phone, pulled into a well-marked and designated spot when I got to the store, and the team had them loaded in my car and sent me on my way in just a few minutes. IT WAS GREAT!!

And after a weekend in the car, with my dad driving and pouring rain, it was needed!

No, the weekend wasn’t bad at all. Friday, before M left for work, he asked (again) about our departure time and I was so glad I could point to the calendar where I had used highlighters and pens to color-code the calendar and make it bright and easy to read. I showed him where I had marked that we were leaving at 1 pm, so he needed to leave work at noon and I would see him back at the house about 12:30 pm.

At 10:16 am I got a text from him, asking where I was. He had left work at 10, thinking we were leaving town at noon. The only problem with that is – he is paid by the hour, so that’s two additional hours of pay he WON’T be receiving for Friday.

I told him I would be home at 12:30, as planned, for him to finish packing, but NOT to use grocery bags to take his things for our trip. He has suitcases – please use them. I don’t know why he will pull out grocery bags from the pantry rather than going up to the attic for a suitcase, but if I don’t say “DON’T DO THAT” he’ll do it every time.

As we were at the hotel, getting ready to go to our niece’s graduation ceremony Saturday morning, he started packing up his things, getting ready to check out. We were staying until Sunday.

As we left the arena when the ceremony was over, M needed to stop at the rest room, but the rest of our group went on outside to find our niece. I went on outside with them, so I wouldn’t lose them and was going to call M once we got to a meeting spot. When I called him, he snapped and said “I know where you are, I’m on my way to the car right now.”

Well, we weren’t at the car. It was raining. He was walking in the rain and he was going to be standing in the rain at the car and no one was going to be there for a while. But if he wanted to be unpleasant and stand in the rain and not listen to what I was trying to tell him, I was going to let him.

After about five minutes. we got to the car and got on our way to the reception. I started to tell him what had been going on and what I had been trying to tell him . . . but I realized there was no point. I was only frustrating myself.

When we got home Sunday, he asked me if we left home for our trip on Saturday. I reminded him that we had left work early on Friday to start the trip.

The 60 Minutes piece on Frontotemporal Dementia was eye-opening . . . and sad. If you didn’t have an opportunity to see it, you can look at the entire piece on 60 Minutes Overtime or on this link: https://cbsn.ws/2JkeNUu

M saw a little bit of the piece and said “I feel fine.” I’m glad – I want him to feel fine. But I want him to BE fine, too.

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Clean up on Aisle 5

(Originally posted in Facebook on May 3, 2019)

I left work yesterday, feeling so good and happy – it was GREAT! I took everyone’s advice (my brother, A, my co-workers and some of you here) and I went on Chewy.com and ordered supplies for my dogs. Boom! Free shipping and their supplements are on the way!

Then I went on Walmart.com and ordered groceries. We’re going out of town this afternoon for our niece’s graduation, so I scheduled the shopping to be ready when we get back Sunday afternoon. We’ll swing by, pick it up and it will all be done. Wow – it was so easy! The app even knew what we usually buy so it made suggestions and I just picked quantities. FABULOUS!! I’m going to schedule another one for the day we get back from Alaska, so we’ll have groceries bought that I didn’t have to schlep through the store to get. Boom, again!

And last night was better with M, believe it or not. When I got home from work, the laundry basket for our dirty clothes wasn’t in the bedroom, so I asked him to bring it up from the laundry room. He said it was full. I went downstairs and sorted the laundry into the baskets in the laundry room (whites, darks and mediums) and he said “I could have done that.”

Yep.

I just kissed him and took the basket upstairs and went on with whatever I was doing.

He started to drive me crazy with questions about our upcoming trips.

“When are we flying to Seattle?”
“What time are we leaving tomorrow?”
“What day are we going on the cruise?”

I can tell that getting out of his routine is starting to worry him. I also realized I’ve not done a good job of keeping our calendar up-to-date. So I got to work and updated the detailed calendar so he has all the info in front of him.

If you’re at home Sunday evening and looking for something to watch (and the Braves game is over!) take a look at CBS 60 Minutes. There’s going to be a story about Frontotemporal Dementia. I saw the preview and read a synopsis about the report . . . it’s as though the reporter had been in my house and was telling our story. Here’s a link to the preview: http://bit.ly/2GYlIRM

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Don’t Kill the Babysitter!

(Originally posted in Facebook on May 1, 2019)

After the novel I wrote yesterday – sorry about that :\ – last night was much different . . . M and I didn’t see each other at all!

Our older son and his wife wanted to take their oldest son to see Avengers Endgame, so I went straight from work to their house to babysit for the younger two boys. You don’t appreciate how old you really are until you’re trying to keep up with a four-year-old and an eight-month-old. I know I did it when our boys were little, but I guess I eased into it – rather than getting thrown into the deep end.

Oh, they were fine and no trouble – just wanted constant attention – so I felt as though I was being pulled in two different (and opposing) directions the entire time they were awake. I was glad to see their bedtimes come up!

M was asleep by the time I got home (10:30 pm) so we didn’t get to talk until this morning. He said the dogs kept looking for me all evening. They had definitely been glad to see me when I got home!

It’s going to be a beautiful day here – hope your day is just as wonderful!

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Shop til you Drop

(Originally posted in Facebook on April 29, 2019)

What a beautiful spring weekend! M and I spent as much time as possible working outside in the yard. As he was cleaning up the backyard, in anticipation of mowing, he found a small animal carcass. Yuck!

He bagged it up and then asked me if he should put it in the blue (recycle) bin in the garage.

No.

So, I finally got some wide masking tape and made labels for the top and sides of the blue bin that say “Recycling Only” and “Monday Collection.” I don’t know if it will help, but I’m hoping.

Then he wanted to go to the grocery store last night to stock up on those little cups of applesauce – he was out of them and he eats 4 – 5 of them a day. It’s better for him than ice cream or something like that. Since he was going to the store, I asked him to pick up a box of Rice Krispies for me.

He brought back a box of Frosted Krispies.

This past week, we’ve both been trying to limit sugar in our diet. We haven’t been frantically reading the ingredients in everything we eat and swearing off anything that has sugar listed as one of the first ten ingredients, but we’ve been staying away from the obvious things like candy, ice cream, cookies, etc. I would say Frosted Krispies would be on the “no” list.

He said he’s going to return them today.

I know, eventually and sooner than I think, these are all going to become my responsibility. Either I’m going to have to handle them myself or hire them out. I’m just so accustomed to sharing them with M. I’m used to being able to ask him to do something around the house and him being able to handle it.

This really is a new kind of normal . . . and I don’t like it.

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A Credo for Making it Happen

(Originally posted in Facebook on April 26, 2019)

You can do this.

You got this.

You can make it happen.

This video is only 1:47 minutes long, but so worth it. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve watched it . . . I’d be rich! It brings tears to my eyes, and it’s so powerful.

Hopefully, it will bring some power to your Friday, too.

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Happy Puppies

(Originally posted in Facebook on April 25, 2019)

Yesterday was SUCH a beautiful day, although very warm, so we took the dogs and went for a walk as soon as I got home. We tried a different route that had more sun than our usual walking route, but it was a shorter walk. One of the pups had a harder time in the heat and really seemed to be suffering when we got home – I was worried about her for a few minutes! She laid on her side and panted, but didn’t get any water for the longest time. I got some wet paper towels and tried to cool her off by placing them on her belly and feet – and then getting more cold water on them when they got hot. Eventually, she got her breath and drank some water and finally seemed to feel better.

I told M that I think we need to wait until the sun is closer to setting before we take them for a walk, if the temperatures are above 80 degrees. This little mutt is only three years old, but I don’t think she handles heat very well. Like her mother – ha!

We noticed it was looking dark in our refrigerator, but the light at the top was working. Finally, I pulled everything off the bottom shelf and realized there was also a light down there (how fancy!!) and THAT light had burned out.

When I got home last night, I saw that M had found the instruction manual for the refrigerator, had taken the light apart and had removed the burned out bulb – it was sitting on the counter. I was really impressed – this is the kind of thing he used to do all the time! I asked him if he had been able to replace the bulb.

No. We didn’t have any bulbs that size.

Never mind, he had just been to the drug store to pick up his prescription . . . which is right down the road from the hardware store, where he could have gotten a new bulb.

Then he asked me, “What size is that thing beside the house?”
Me: What thing beside the house?
M:The thing we bought the other day.
Me: What thing are you talking about?
M: You know, the thing we bought to cover the thing.
Me: The tarp? The tarp we bought to cover the trailer?
M: Yeah. How big is it?
Me: I don’t know. What difference does it make?
M: I’m going to take it off the trailer and cover the Jeep with it. The Jeep is getting those oak things all over it.
Me: No you’re not. The Jeep is fine. Take it to a car wash and pay $5 to get it clean. Or we’ll buy a new tarp for the Jeep.

Keep in mind, the Jeep is 20 years old and we use it to haul the trailer. That’s it. Why he’s suddenly so worried about how it looks, I don’t know.

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Z is for Zinnia

(Originally posted in Facebook on April 24, 2019)

Does anyone need any zinnia seeds?

This past weekend, I planted zinnia seeds in our flower bed on the side of the house, as I do every year. But I needed two more packets of seeds to finish the job, so I asked M to stop at the store on his way home yesterday and pick up two more packets.

Imagine my surprise when I got home and there were 12 (yes, TWELVE) packets of zinnia seeds waiting for me. He said he thought that was how many I usually used. Well, yes – for the entire flower bed.

During dinner, we were talking about a friend from work and a trip she had taken last week. She was telling me about some of the passengers she had encountered on the cruise and I was trying to relay that information to M. He did such a spot-on imitation of one of the passengers my co-worker had told me about . . . I laughed so hard, I couldn’t catch my breath! He was HILARIOUS!!

It was almost as though the old M was back, for just a moment.

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Let’s Eat

(Originally posted in Facebook on April 23, 2019)

For a while now, I’ve been amazed, and a little concerned, about the amount of food that M eats. Of course, I’ve been trying (without success) to get him to eat a Keto diet. And I know it’s hard. I’m the one who scarfed down an entire pack of pink Peeps before 10 am yesterday.

I get it.

And I’m also aware that someone (a loving, caring someone) could be out there, right now, having these same thoughts about me. (I’m really concerned about the amount of sugar she’s eating . . . )

But last night, we had Easter leftovers – ham, fruit salad and homemade mac and cheese. Yum! And, of course, there was some left over dessert for when we had cleaned our plates. I watched M eat everything, but only about half of his mac and cheese – then he threw the rest away. Okay – that’s fine. He said he was full. Then he went to the pantry and got an individual serving container of apple sauce and polished that off. Then ate another. Then he decided he wanted a piece of the cheesecake dessert we had. Then he finished off the chocolate pudding in the refrigerator. After an hour or so, he had gone upstairs and gotten a bowl of ice cream.

Now this, I don’t get.

At his last neurologist’s appointment, he was over 200 lbs. which is the highest he’s ever been. But, of course, the doctor didn’t say a word. At his last GP appointment, his blood pressure, cholesterol and sugar levels were all borderline, so he’s going to be in trouble when he goes back – IN JUNE – and they’re worse. They’re going to want to put him on all sorts of medications and he’s not going to like it.

At the same time, I don’t want to be a nag. I’m not his mother. I want him to enjoy his food and be happy. I feel as though I’m walking a fine line – wanting what’s best and not sure how to get it.