(Originally posted in Facebook on April 12, 2019)
Today, I’d like to share a message I received from Danielle LaPorte. If you don’t follow her, on her various social media platforms, I encourage you to do so. She writes amazingly insightful commentary on all sorts of topics. But this one is about grief. And when I read it, it made me realize that I am and I have been grieving . . . not only for what M is going through and how it is affecting me, but for the life that I (we) had all planned out for us in my mind. And that life is not going to be.
I hope you’ll find this as meaningful and helpful as I do.
the goddess of grief: getting to the other side. (and there is always another side.)
Grief is one of the most powerful Goddesses. She swallows your agony and lets it tear her apart. Beautiful birds fly from her belly—each one an insight into life and your power. Grief brings the whole flock to your window, and she waits and waits to reveal universal truths to you. She goes to the depths with you. She rises with you.
Grief won’t rest until you swallow the medicine she made especially for you, and tell her your story of death… and life.
HOW TO ABSORB THE MEDICINE OF GRIEF
1. Grief messes with your focus. When she’s tap-tap-tapping on the door of your consciousness, it becomes difficult to concentrate. You’re not sure what the priorities are, not sure where to put your attention, and when you do put it somewhere, it slips off easily. Time does not feel fresh, it feels a bit stale. Launching new things feels awkward, subtly inappropriate.
2. Give your self space to meander, aimlessly. Aim less. Under achieve. Be confused. As Nietzsche said, “You must have confusion in your heart to give birth to stars.” You are giving birth to a new reality. It takes tremendous resources. Healing hurts before it feels right.
3. Grief is patient. Grief may operate on a time-release capsule system. She’ll let you be busy and distracted for a long period of time before she descends. She respects survival mechanisms and the necessities. So go ahead and throw yourself into work or hobbies. Just know that…
4. Denying grief her power squelches your vitality. You can dream and laugh and march on, but until you swallow the bitter tea that Grief has brewed, things won’t be as vibrant or grounded as they could be. And that’s half dead.
5. Recognize where you are numb. Notice the memories that ouch the most. This is the beginning of response-ability.
6. Grief crystallizes in your body. The medicine will get stuck in your muscle memory and joints. It needs to circulate and be digested. You have to dance grief to the surface. Stomp. Rock. Stretch. Move without your intellect getting in the way. Keep moving.
7. Grief thinks scars make for great tattoos. Accept that you’ll never be the same. Trauma marks you. Embrace how much more dimensional you’ve become.
8. Someone just reminded me, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” (Maya Angelou). Grief needs to hear your story told. Speak it out to a sacred listener. Be witnessed. And then…
9. Tell a new story—one that includes the description of how you healed.
All love,